你幹嘛John

早上看到新聞消息：John Frusciante will no longer release music for public consumption，心中又是一驚，雖然小僧真心皈依紅椒門已經是他離團一年後，不論是離團前還是離團後，我其實一張專輯也沒有買過。

這樣還好意思自稱小小樂迷？可笑可笑了。

但是我們之間這樣不帶利益的關係，這世間何處尋呢？

拼拼湊湊各大新聞稿、訪談，他離團的官方大意是：已經不想再把琴為了名利而彈，他不想在演奏的同時思考觀眾的喜好，若能夠獲得掌聲，身體會不自覺迎合，這讓他和音樂之間漸漸產生隔閡，所以他在追求的，是非常私密的和音樂的關係。對我來說，這已經到了信仰的層次。

這些日子以來，已經把「宗教信仰」還原成「宗教」和「信仰」，這兩個名詞應該要具有不同的意義。

多虧了信奉基督教的W和F，在和他們共享了無數次的討論中，漸漸消除心中對於基督教因不了解而產生的恐懼與排斥所形成的成見。先排除「世界上有沒有神」這個除非漠不關心、否則一跳進去就是面紅耳赤的究極大黑洞，我是認同耶穌的，他的存在就是對當時的法利賽人權威的一種挑戰，最有名的像安息日醫治、解救要被眾人拿石頭打死的婦人，所有行為依循「行公義」(給這個人應得)、「施憐憫」(給這個人所不配得)，若他真實存在，絕對是老子的無政府思想中，要求「自律」人格的模範班長。然而，弔詭的地方便在於，耶穌屬於完人，但是沿著歷史的軌道往回走，隨處是天主教的醜惡弊端。這中間出了什麼問題？暫時歸因於人心的惡，對於權力永無止盡的欲望，使得教會的主事者按照自己的意思解讀經文，洗腦、煽動那些無知卻純真的信徒，攜手走上邪道。

如此一來，便把「宗教」和「信仰」拆開，前者是群眾的集會，其中不可避免地充斥著權力鬥爭、教條規範、控制、懲戒、否定、服從。更極端地，若主導的意識形態稍有偏差，像是進行沙林毒氣無差別攻擊的奧姆真理教，後果沒有任何個體能夠承受。

而「信仰」則和他人完全沒有關係，完全是個人及其所相信的「那個」的事。起初我對F提出的質疑是，為什麼要相信一個看不見的東西，接下來的日子裡，好像自己說了什麼了不起的道理，我反覆琢磨這句話，才發覺自己就像戴著眼鏡卻四處找眼鏡的人，我們每個人，或多或少都正相信著眼睛看不見的東西啊，看不見的不代表不存在，看見的卻未必是真實，只是人類無法跳脫長久以視覺認知的世界。於是，慢慢慢慢我也在尋找自己相信的事，每當痛苦、寂寞、沮喪、失落，身旁再也沒有多餘的東西可以緊緊抓住的時候，那手中緊緊抓住的東西就是信仰了。

– Would you consider performing your new music, even for a small crowd?
– "No, I have no interest in playing live. I really don’t think of myself as a performer anymore. It was never something that came naturally to me. It was something that I adapted to, but it was never really an expression of who I was. [...] I’m not a performer. I don’t appreciate the effect that audiences have on me, because for me music is something that comes from inside of me. And music is something that I immerse myself in, and when I’m in front of an audience, I can’t ignore my surroundings and I can’t ignore the way they make me feel. They make me feel good, the audiences. But then I find that I’m not so much reaching inside myself to create something, but I’m more trying to meet with their expectations. And I’m trying to do something that’s entertaining to them".

"I needed to specifically make music that I know wouldn't sell in order to learn things. And I’m gonna keep doing that for the rest of my life." John Frusciante - Billboard, 2013

或許要像他曾走過紅極一時，才真正明白這段話的意義了。

反過來說，若沒有這樣的意志，不是為了形象利益的附加價值、不是僥倖，還能夠大聲宣稱自己信仰著音樂嗎？

Red Hot Chili Peppers - Don't Forget Me

John Frusciante - Wayne
塵世間最痛苦的莫過於，為紀念死去的好友而寫了：（引自youtube簡介）

This song was recorded for my friend Wayne Forman, the coolest, kindest friend anybody could ever have. When I used to play in arenas I would often mentally aim my playing at him. Wayne loved long guitar solos, and he was my favorite person in the audience to play for. As everyone who knew him is well aware, he was also the best chef ever. When I saw him two days ago, he was laying in front of a CD player, so when I came home I decided I'd make something for him. I recorded this solo for him to hear, but I finished it a day too late, so now it is a tribute to his memory. It is what he would have wanted me to play for him, and it is my offering to his family and friends all over the world, as well as anybody else. Wayno lives in our hearts forever, the greatest guy anybody could ever know. I'm so lucky to have been graced by his friendship. All the love in the world to him.

John Frusciante - The Empyrean (Full Album)
09年發行的個人作品，而且是神秘的432Hz，電氣化以前、很John的一張專輯。